My Religion Was Written By Stephen Trask

I was raised on the teachings of the Christian Bible – I attended Youth Group and went away to Bible Study Camp and memorized scripture – but it has been a long time since I felt like a Christian. It’s not that I’ve disowned the faith, but I consider myself more of a multi-cultural sponge – a tie-dyed shirt soaking up the color. I do teach Culture, after all. I enjoy picking through ancient legends and myths to piece together my perfect Faith. And as a Lesbian, I find myself grasping at any culture or artistic creation that paints me as just a normal member of a working society – not an outcast, sinner, or disease.

And that’s how I found the words that make the most sense to me – The Origin of Love.

Stephen Trask wrote the music and lyrics to a musical entitled “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” in 1998. That show was made into a movie in 2001 by the original writer and star John Cameron Mitchell. Together, these two men made magic. The show is a beautifully designed piece of self-discovery and internal dialogue that seems to speak to my soul. Hedwig, a transgender rock-star from East Berlin, sings a song early in the show called “The Origin of Love” and steals the audience’s heart from that point forward.

When the earth was still flat,
And the clouds made of fire,
And mountains stretched up to the sky
Sometimes higher,
Folks roamed the earth
Like big rolling kegs.
They had two sets of arms.
They had two sets of legs.
They had two faces peering
Out of one giant head,
So they could watch all around them
As they talked, while they read.
And they never knew nothing of Love.
It was before the Origin of Love.
The Origin of Love.

Big Rolling Kegs

And there was three sexes then:
One that looked like two men
Glued up back to back,
They called the Children of the Sun.
And similar in shape and girth
Was the Children of the Earth.
They looked like two girls
Rolled up in one.
And the Children of the Moon
Was like a fork stuck on a spoon.
They was part Sun, part Earth,
Part Daughter, part Son.
The Origin of Love

Zeus Said No

Now the gods grew quite scared
Of our strength and defiance.
And Thor said,
‘I’m gonna kill ’em all
With my hammer,
Like I killed the giants.’
But Zeus said, ‘No.
You better let me
Use my lightening, like scissors,
Like I cut the legs off the whales,
Dinosaurs into lizards.’
And then he grabbed up some bolts
He let out a laugh,
Said, ‘I’ll split them right down the middle,
Gonna cut ’em right up in half.’
And the storm clouds gathered above
Into great balls of fire.

And then fire
Shot down from the sky in bolts,
Like shining blades of a knife.
And it ripped
Right through the flesh
Of the Children of the Sun
And the Moon
And the Earth.

Scatter Us Away

And some Indian god
Sewed the wound up to a hole,
Pulled it around to our belly
To remind us the price we paid.
And Osiris and the gods of the Nile
Gathered up a big storm,
To blow a hurricane.
To scatter us away.
The flood of wind and rain.
The sea of tidal waves.
To wash us all away.
And if we don’t behave,
They’ll cut us down again.
We’ll be hoppin’ round on one foot,
And looking through one eye.

Deny Me and Be Doomed

Last time I saw you,
We’d just split in two.
You was looking at me,
I was looking at you.
You had a way so familiar
I could not recognize,
Cause you had blood on your face,
I had blood in my eyes.
But I could swear by your expression
That the pain down in your soul
Was the same as the one down in mine.

That’s the pain
That cuts a straight line
Down through the heart,
We called it Love.

We wrapped our arms around each other,
Trying to shove ourselves back together.
We was making Love,
Making Love.
It was a cold dark evening
Such a long time ago,
When by the mighty hand of Jove,
It was the sad story
How we became
Lonely two-legged creatures.
It’s the story of
The Origin of Love.

That’s the Origin of Love.

Origin of Love

Hedwig then says, “It is clear that I must find my other half. But is it a he or a she? What would this person look like? And were we really separated forcibly? Or did he just run off with the good stuff?”

Beautiful.

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Vows 11.29.13

On November 29, 2013 I married my Soul Mate. I mean “Soul Mate” as literally as someone can possibly take it. If anyone were to express to me that they do not believe in Soul Mates, I might kindly respond with, “Well, then you haven’t had the chance of witnessing it yet.”

Our Wedding was everything we wanted it to be. It certainly wasn’t the kind of Wedding most people dream up – but to us it was absolutely perfect. Neither of us can think of a single thing that went wrong all night. Frequently during the reception, we stole small conversations with each other, pausing to take in the Beauty of our friends and loved ones all there to celebrate and support us. The room was so full of Love…I can still feel it.

We chose to write our own vows, selecting works of Music and Literature to quote. I read mine a hundred times before the ceremony, trying to prepare myself enough so I wouldn’t cry. But the words are so powerful, so true, and so meaningful…my voice quivered and cracked throughout the whole thing. I have heard some people say that their whole ceremony is a blur – not mine. I am so lucky to have every moment tucked away in my memory. I hope those emotions I had standing up there holding Jamie’s hands are as strong in 50 years as they were that day.

I am still flying sky high…

“I have chosen most of my vows from my favorite book, The Alchemist, by Paolo Coelho.  The book is about a journey to discover dreams and fulfill life’s desires. I know without a doubt that that is what we are doing here today. This is my Personal Legend. You, J, are my treasure.

“In the book Coelho says, ‘If you can concentrate only on the present, you’ll be happy – you’ll see that there are stars in the Heavens. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living right now.’ I feel that way each day I am with you, and vow to do so the rest of our lives.

“There are people in the World that don’t believe in the love we share. ‘But maybe people who [feel] that way never learned the universal language. Because when you know that language, it’s easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether it’s in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one’s dreams would have no meaning.’

 “’Cause I understand you, we see eye to eye/ Like a double rainbow in the sky/ And wherever you go, so will I/ Cause a double rainbow is hard to find’*”

*From Katy Perry’s song “Double Rainbow” from her new album Prism

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Coming Out

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Just days after my roommate, Jamie, and I admitted our feelings to each other, I was on a flight back home for the Summer. It was going to be so tough being away now that we had finally blurted out how we really felt. It was all brand new to me. I was excited and scared and nervous all at the same time. It never occurred to me at that time that I’d have to tell my parents. I was only 19. We don’t think that far into the future at that age – I had all the time in the world. Little did I know, that conversation was only weeks away….

Jamie and I talked everyday. It was a challenge because this was just before cell phones became a must. I bought long-distance calling cards each week at the drug store so I wouldn’t get caught jacking up my parents’ phone bills. When I think back, I remember feeling so stealth. I thought there was no way that anyone in my family could possibly suspect something was going on between me and my college roommate. I mean, she wasn’t even in the same state!

Well, I guess when you’re really in love, it seeps out of you. There’s no way to hide it. And I guess that’s how I knew right away that it was real and that it wasn’t a college phase. My Mom calls it Twitterpated – like from Bambi. When two creatures are so in love, they can only see each other, and they don’t care about the rest of the world. Last night Jamie and I were looking through some boxes of old photos of us. I found a stack of letters we’d written back and forth. Reading the letters made me feel like a kid again. The giddy, love-stained words were so honest…and completely Twitterpated.

In July, my father took my sister and I camping at the same lake we camped every summer of our lives. One morning while we were sitting watching the boats on the lake, he asked to take a walk. We found a picnic bench in the shade and sat down. I was feeling a bit uneasy, but I never could have anticipated what he was going to say. My father simply looked me in the eye and said, “I’d like to talk to you about Jamie.” I nearly died. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I had time. I was supposed to have all the time in the world. I tried to play it off by responding with, “What do you mean?”, but I knew he knew. My father knows me better than anyone else in my family, and I just knew he knew.

I hear horror stories of people coming out to their parents. Some get yelled at. Some get disowned. Some are even attacked. Since I hadn’t even contemplated coming out to my father yet, I hadn’t considered his reaction – but I should have known how it would go. He asked me if I was truly happy. My answer was simple: I absolutely was. And that was it. My father told me he was there to support me in anything I did and he has always kept his promise. From that point on, I didn’t hide my relationship from my family. It was difficult to actually say it sometimes, for fear of even the slightest bit of rejection. But my father proved something to me that day on the picnic bench. He proved that even if the entire world did not accept our relationship, I had family that did. It made me feel like the luckiest girl on Earth.

I do not ever take that gift for granted and I thank my father as often as I can for being such amazing Dad.

 

My Love Story

I think we all, from the time we’re little, imagine what our future will look like. I always pictured meeting a farm boy from the Midwest. We’d own an acre of land and raise babies that chased the geese along the lake. One can imagine my surprise when things didn’t quite work out like I’d planned.

I met the love of my life the day we moved into our college dorm as roommates. I’d never dated a girl, and quite honestly had never given it any thought. Many might think that’s a lie, but it’s the complete truth. I have often reflected on my earlier years, reaching for any part of my body that ever desired a woman, but there was nothing.

As I got to know my new roommate, I found out she was gay. I was fascinated. And curious. And intrigued. We became quick friends and by the end of the first semester of school, we told each other everything. It wasn’t until late Spring that I began to notice the change in the way I thought of her. I’d wake up in the morning and want to see her. I left for class and missed her. I was falling in love with her….but I wasn’t gay.

My first instinct was to recoil from the idea. It wasn’t in my plan – I was supposed to marry a boy. But the day she admitted to me that she had feelings for me, too, my plan went out the window. I let myself fall into the relationship head first. We didn’t date. We went from zero to in-love in the blink of an eye and it was fabulous. I began to recognize that the love we shared was the kind of love that so many search their whole lives for. Why throw that away just because it wasn’t how I saw my life playing out?

I guess that’s how life works. We can plan and prepare all we want, but at some point our hearts take over. The universe steps in and it all just falls into place.